Archive for October, 2009


October 19, 2009

First, the good news: my friend set me up a blog on my personal domain! …which has been completely blank for a few months now, ever since another friend set the domain up for me.

The bad news is, since it’s my personal domain, I am going to have to be very careful about what sorts of things I write there.  Well, not “very” careful, I suppose, but still.  I’m in the middle of a divorce and I need to be pretty careful right now until papers are finalized.

Which reminds me.  My asshole husband changed the locks on the house. This is after he removed everything, including my personal clothes, papers, and some books– and lied to the attorneys about it.

I don’t think I mentioned how bad it is.  He’s been telling all our mutual friends, as well as my own immediate family, that I am crazy.  He is ostensibly trying to get them to sign papers to commit me. His goal is to punish me for leaving him while still convincing everyone how much he still loves me and wants me back.

But dear sweet baby Jesus in a jetpack, I really do not want to get into all that right now.  I’ll just say that I’ve got two stacks of relationship and abuse self-help books from the library piled up around my desk right now.  And, one of my housemates is home all day with me and he’s been driving me a little mad.  He’s a good person but not the most sensitive… though to be fair, if I am explicit about what I need, he follows directions.  Dealing with a woman who is getting divorced after ten years in an abusive relationship is not exactly something that comes with an instruction manual.

But like I said.  I’ve got my own domain and it’s content-ready now.  So the first thing I’ll probably do is go through some old atheist posts I’ve published here and see about publishing them on my site.  It’s intimidating to have my name attached to everything– anyone who knows my email address can say, hey, I wonder if she’s got a website, and then there they are at my website.  It’s a stage I’ve never had before.  And I don’t want it to be just a place where I talk about my personal life; that’s what mySpace blogs are for, am I right?

Speaking of my personal life, I’ve had a cold for a little over a week.  It’s been a frustrating time: I keep having periods where I feel like I’m doing better and making changes and starting my life over, and then I tentatively start to make new actual changes and schedules, and then something comes up like I get sick and it puts everything back weeks.  I had to postpone my own birthday cake (pumpkin cheesecake) because of all the coughing from said cold.

Plus I ran out of Doctor Who on Netflixs On Demand.  Season 4 gets in on Wednesday, though.


“Jesus is not a swear word”

October 3, 2009

My parents were fundamental evangelical Christians and raised me to be the same.  This all went according to plan until rather recently– I told my parents about my atheism shortly after I discovered it myself, Christmas 2007.  (Happy Holidays mom!!)  My mom is still a Christian, though she is fairly private about it and doesn’t attend church any more.

My dad started leaving Christianity around 1997, when we left the shrinking fundy church I grew up in.  The new church was Presbyterian, so it was a lot more feel-good and happy Jesus-loves-me kind of stuff.  This was a departure from the old church, which was cultish in the amount of control they tried to wield over congregates.  My dad finally got a chance to look back and realize all the shit they put him through.  After a few years recovering from the worst of it, and deciding which parts of Christianity he doesn’t believe anymore (most of it),  he started attending the “Center for Spiritual Enlightenment”, who had a focus on spirituality rather than religion, which is good for people like my dad. They are not judgmental and do meditation and talk about humanism.  Good times.

Then, recently, he looked up “atheist” in Wikipedia and realized he was one.

He and I were talking today and he says, “You ever see those bumper stickers that say, ‘Jesus is not a swear word’?”

“Yeah!  But Jesus is totally a swear word.”

“Can’t it be both?” he asks.

“Well,” I say, “If people didn’t think Jesus was a god, it wouldn’t be a swear word.  So you can’t really have the one without the other.”

Irony: when Christians propose a deity who is offended by the misuse of its name, because this invites and causes that misuse by people who do not believe in said deity.  I have to laugh… because literally, it is Jesus’ purported god-ness that makes us want to use his name as a swear word, so it’s not just ironic, it’s almost poetic.

But enough of that.  It is time to eat pork chops.


October 2, 2009

So I’m getting divorced.  (You probably remember that.)

It isn’t going well.

My husband hired a big shot attorney after getting served (I filed the lawsuit, self-represented).  I guess he was scared.  But now he is also broke.

Here’s a fuckin news flash: Two broke people getting divorced do not need attorneys.  That should go without saying, right?  Well, now I have one.  And we are all meeting in a few hours to see how much zero divided by two is.

I should be nervous but I’m not really.  My friend says I’m in denial.  But I’ve been nervous for like a week, and then last night I popped a few pills and passed out, and woke up this morning feeling pretty optimistic.  Plus, I decided right off that this wasn’t my divorce meeting, I was just going to support a friend.  So if I need it, we’ll see how that attempt to psych myself out works.

In other news, I’ve got a lot on my plate regarding my atheist group.  I’ve got to put together a Recovering From Religion support group, decide on a place for a coffee meetup, and plan a LAN party for Left 4 Dead 2.  If you’re wondering what coffee and video games have to do with atheism… we’ll, we’re mostly a social group.  I’m trying to start having a few more regular events on the topic of atheism, or science, or that sort of thing, but I haven’t exactly had predictable levels of energy and motivation these days.  Having your life turn upside-down will sort of do that to you.  But things will be smoothing out soon enough.  The support group is a really big need, since a lot of people in the group (like myself) suddenly found themselves without the faith they grew up with.  When that happens, you lose your philosophy of life, your social group, and often your friends and family.  Some of us have lost everything, and that wound does scab over, but its rough going.  Hence the support group.

But now… I shower.