not a good person

I have a really big problem.  I am not a good person.

If I was still a Christian– if I’d have died a Christian– I would have gone the rest of my life without even knowing I am not a good person.  Why, you ask?

Because Christians are automatically good people.

How?  Why??  Listen to Auntie Alice and I will tell you.

When I was a young girl, I was taught to love Jesus.  I was taught that if I loved Jesus, He would make me loving and patient and kind.  He would make me a good daughter and a good wife.

If I put God first, I would do well in school.  I would be healthy and successful.

If I trusted God, He would bring me a good husband.  I would have happy, Christian children.

So did my parents actually teach me much about how to be a good person?  No, they taught me how to love God.

Did they teach me about how to find and choose a good mate?  No, they taught me how to trust Jesus.

I have a lifetime of growing up to do.  And I need to start now.

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One Response to “not a good person”

  1. Carol Says:

    Ouch. I think you’re being way too hard on yourself.

    I have lots of good friends who are Christian (basically everyone but my male partner and about three other friends is more religious than I am). When some of them refer to Jesus or God it’s usually to thank them for helping them be good or to find strength in them while going through a bad time. I, thinking all of religion is hooey, but respecting these friends and acquaintances, tend to think that the good they’re attributing to Jebus is really coming from themselves. And that the strength they think they’re drawing from God is really inner strength.

    That said, I don’t know if that helps you find comfort in your situation. But a lot of Christians online allude (rather disturbingly) to Christ being the one thing that keeps them from burning, looting, raping, murdering and pillaging. The fact that, in your case, Jesus has left the building, and you’re not doing all of these things, points to the fact that somewhere inside you is the urge not to do them, or the absence of the urge to do them, whichever way you want to think about it.

    Now, we could go deeper from a science/skeptic point of view and question whether anyone is consciously a good person or if they’re just a lucky configuration of genes and experiences. And I do go there, when I’m pondering such things. But in your case, I tend to think from everything I’ve read that, unless you’re completely creating a fictional character in your blog, you can qualify yourself as a good person. And kind of start from there. But I know that sounds pat and not completely logical, so I don’t blame you if you ignore me. 🙂

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