cause and chaos

I thought that I had enough chaos in my life these past few years.  Between a big move, losing my religion, divorcing my husband, quitting my job, and taking care of my grandma while she died of cancer (seven months of watching TV with her has made me stupider!  I can tell!)… that’s enough, right?  From 2007 onwards, it’s just been a storm of chaos.  And losing my religion really meant I lost 99 percent of my ability to cope with life: all my stress-management techniques were lost, an instant community wherever I went was lost, even my ideas about reality were lost.

If that wasn’t bad enough [and I apologize if this is TMI]… a few years ago, I switched from the Pill to a non-hormonal IUD, and now I have some pretty serious PMS.  How the fuck do women handle this?  The week before my period, I start losing sleep and feeling a detached urge to get drunk for no reason, no reason I am aware of, anyway.  Wierd!  So practically a quarter of my life now is dealing with a personality change and all these uncomfortable urges that I have to work around.

Add that to the things I’ve actively done to myself– the events I’ve more-or-less chosen, though technically I did choose to get the IUD– and now my own body is working against me.

If that wasn’t bad enough, this morning I’ve had regular coffee and then let someone infuriate me on a forum.  Yeah, a stranger on the internet is affecting my morning.  I love living in the future.

At least I’ve made the other party angry as well.  I enjoy feeling angry, actually.  It’s nice to feel.


One Response to “cause and chaos”

  1. teambaby Says:

    So sorry to hear that! AS tried the IUD for a year or so–after all sorts of awful side effects, she got it removed and went back on Depo for a bit, and now she’s on the pill.

    My favorite thing I’ve been on was Depo Provera, but since it does affect estrogen, my doctor found that it had temporarily affected my bone density. So I’m on the pill now (at least until AS & NT have a baby and he gets the snip 😉 ).

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