Archive for June, 2011


June 13, 2011

Sex scandals don’t bother me.  They annoy me.  Especially politicians’ sex scandals—I don’t care so much that it takes a large effort for me to even articulate why I don’t care.  But I will give it my darndest.

Politicians are somewhat famous, and to that extent, I understand why anyone would care about their scandals.  It’s gossip and humans love gossip.  But when Lindsay Lohan goes to jail, nobody takes it personally.  We don’t feel betrayed and we don’t feel the right to demand her resignation.  Of course there is another factor at play here, a major one: Lindsay Lohan isn’t paid by your tax dollars.

However: politicians are paid by public dollars to do an honest day’s work. They represent constituent’s interests, pass laws, talk about legal matters, and generally think about things that many people, even if they care, don’t spend hours and hours thinking about.  Politicians are not paid to be monogamous, have hetero-normative sexuality, go to church on Sunday, or raise their children to do the same.  As long as public funds are not being misappropriated, it’s my opinion that politicians are free to be as kinky as they want, believe what they want, and do what they want.  I would even add that politicians are free to lie about what they want as long as the work gets done on time.  Because even if something is morally questionable (lying, cheating on one’s wife, sending naughty photos), as long as it’s not illegal, nobody needs to get fired for anything non-work-performance-related, ever.

And for a politician to go in for treatment for being a sexy son-of-a-gun is just stupid.  (Is there really a market for that kind of treatment?)

I don’t want any politician’s apology or explanation.  I want them to go to work in the morning and keep making me a free citizen of a republic.  And since I expect the right to think and act and fuck as I like, within the bounds of the law, I am perfectly willing to extend that same grace to all politicians, just as I do to all humans.  I mean, I can do my job despite what I’m planning to do to whom when I get home.  I’m not constantly distracted by my heretical opinions to the point that I can’t get my work done.  I’m pretty sure politicians can do the same.

And just as I might lie if I was unexpectedly confronted about my relationship and sexuality (let’s just say it’s non-heteronormative), I’m perfectly willing to overlook a person lying about something he doesn’t want me finding out.  I might even be willing to overlook some hypocrisy: because again, I am paying my representatives to vote a certain way, not to act a certain way.  I might find it morally repugnant that a male politician would hire male prostitutes while voting to keep gay marriage illegal, but it’s not against the law to be hypocritical or morally repugnant.  In fact, I feel a little sorry for such a man, who knows that doing his job well is not good enough, and is forced to lie and cover-up any preferences that his constituents find distasteful.  I believe this situation would be well answered by the saying, “Hate the game, not the player”.

Nobody has the right to expect behavior of me or demand the truth from me.  That protection is even in the Constitution.  Is it really a surprise that someone lie instead of respond with a coy “I don’t really want to talk about that”?

One last thing: when media or individuals demand that a politician resign because of the outrage caused by their behavior, isn’t that just your basic self-fulfilling prophecy?

Betrayed the public’s trust.  Gimme a goddamn break.  Have an intern take over the Twitter feed and get the politicians back to work.

chickens and butter

June 12, 2011

Before I tell you about how I murdered my first chickens, let me tell you about butter.

I first discovered that butter is delicious when I was about 20 years old.  I grew up eating butter on toast, because mom didn’t buy margarine (unhealthy!), but she put the butter on the toast because it was expensive and us kids would have used too much.  So I was in the habit of using a teeny tiny amount of butter on my toast.  Until that fateful day, ten years ago, when I took a break from video games, went downstairs, made some toast, and got out the butter.  I must have been opening a new package of it because I noticed that 1 serving of butter is 1 Tablespoon.  So I used a Tablespoon.  THAT TOAST WAS THE BEST THING I HAD EVER EATEN.  Seriously, I ate nothing but buttered toast for a couple days and told everyone how amazing it was.  That’s my most vivid food-based memory.

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Me and the housemates killed our very own chickens recently.  I killed them, then me and my girlfriend plucked the feathers, then butchered them.  I ended up kindof dissecting mine, because oh my goodness, what is all this inside my chicken??  This must be the heart, and the lungs, and kidneys!  It’s got all the same stuff I do!

Including meat.  I was looking at my hands and thinking, wow, I am made of meat, but nobody eats me.  I am so lucky.

We ate the chickens.  (I used recipes from an old “Joy of Cooking” since it had information about chicken weight and whether it was a broiler or fryer or whatever, and which techniques to use for each.)  The meat was a little tough but it was a rooster, so next time I will be sure to slow cook it, or just make broth.  I guess roosters are considered worthless for meat, but it wasn’t like I could just throw them out, right?

Definitely a food milestone– and a backyard homesteader milestone!  And now that I’ve got a community garden plot, I’ll be composting chicken shit for my next milestone!

… though neither of those will be as delicious as that first buttered toast.